The Bee Killer

When Dave returned home from a wonderful week up in Door County, WI with his lovely wife Nancy, he thought he should catch up on some of the chores.  Chores that had to be sidelined due to spending too much time on the golf course.  

The grass had grown fiercely since the rain, the only one in a month, and he would do that first!  After noisily (so Nancy would know he was doing something) getting the lawnmower out of the garage, he set upon the task of beautifying the back yard.  The grass had grown back well in the area where he had been having confrontations with the neighborhood Raccoons, and he hurried to get that straightened out first.  On the way to that memorable spot, he suddenly discovered another spot which would remain in his memory for a long time to come... the home of the dreaded Ground Bee!

He didn’t notice them at first, but after the first five or ten stings, he knew something wasn’t right!  Dropping the handle of the lawnmower, he did a kind of dance.  Arms flailing through the air, legs kicking at the unseen foe, he rapidly danced back to the house.  As she is used to doing, Nancy came to his aid and healed his wounds... but she could do nothing for his damaged pride.  Dave jumped up and swore revenge on the striped bumblers who dared to attack him as he worked so hard to make his home beautiful!

Pulling on his years of experience as an employee of Johnson Wax, foremost manufacturer of bug killers, he used his experiences, gathered from living in various areas around the world, to mix up a bucket of soapy water.  Waiting until dark so the little buggers would be fast asleep before his attack, Dave donned his black Ninja suit (well, it was really his sweats) and crept out to the battlefront.  Bucket in hand, he cautiously poured the fluid down the hole.  Rushing back to the safety of Nancy and the garage, he felt his work was done and tomorrow he could finish mowing the lawn, right after golf that is.

Returning home after almost getting the best score of the year ( if he hadn’t gotten caught “adding” incorrectly), he set out to check on the bee situation and finish the lawn.  It looked pretty good, until he got close enough to see hundreds of the monsters waiting for him!  Dave realized his chemistry background wasn’t doing the job, so he decided to try soapy water (his memory isn’t the best either).  This time he would use a funnel to assure all the death elixir went where it was supposed to go.  

Using the same preparation techniques that failed last time, he made ready for another assault on the hole in the grass.  Nonchalantly walking out to the battleground, he suddenly poked the funnel in the hole and reached for the bucket of soapy water.  By the time he turned back with the bucket, the bees were pouring out of the hole... right through the funnel! Quickly he slopped the water in the direction of the funnel, but the stings he was getting from the escapee’s kinda threw his accuracy off.  A lot off!

Sitting in the house as Nancy soothed his wounds (again), he thought   “Maybe the quantity of the solution that actually made it into the hole was not enough to reach all the nooks and crevices of the underground labyrinth engineered by the Bees.”  He would have to add a little something extra to the pot!  As soon as he was able to gather enough energy, he returned to the point of attack with his trusty water hose.  Shoving the nozzle into the hole he shot 100,000 gallons of water (this figure is by Dave’s own count) after the soap solution.

Early the next day he went to see the results of his latest try.  Well, a few buzzers were still coming out of the hole, but the number was greatly reduced!  Ah-Ha!  The funnel trick must be working.  Following the same plan as the day before, except he had the bucket ready this time, he attacked!
Shoving in the funnel and swiftly pouring the solution down it before too many of the bees made their way out, he then grabbed the nearby hose and gave them another 100,000 gallons of fluid to wash the soap into their little hides!  

Once again Nancy soothed his latest stings (isn’t she a honey!).  Dave couldn’t do any more for the rest of the day.  Not only because of the pain of the many stings he received, but he had to save his energy for golf the next morning.  

After golf, he again checked the hole for activity.  Happily, not much was going on.  One last dose of soapy water should do the trick.  Then he could finally get the grass cut and the ‘coon trap set up again.  All this “Bee Warfare” was cutting into his tally for Raccoons caught (but that’s another story for a later time).

Well, I guess this story ends here.  The Bees are gone, Dave is pretty much recovered from his stings and Nancy has put the medicine away, for now.  The ‘coon trap is full of cat food and set, the grass is mowed and Dave’s Ninja suit is at the cleaners.  But wait... don’t insects come back to the same place each year to raise their families?

I guess we’ll find out next spring.  Huh, Dave?